The final match of the opening night of I-slam hockey’s inaugural season at the hangar featured a battle   between the high octane offense of Team Sabr and the enigmatic youth of Team Shukr. Sabr entered the season boasting a strong nucleus retained from last season’s winter championship team, including perennial star GMs Shaukat “Baba” Khan, Mohammad Bilal, playoff MVP backstopper Ali Khwaja, dynamic defenseman Sheharyar Khan and the Egyptian twin towers, aka, Abdu Sharkawy and Ahmed Ibrahim. Team Shukr entered the season with high hopes for an intriguing squad built on speed up front led by the always dangerous Arsalan Mian and Hamza Chaudhry and loads of veteran savvy on the blue line, anchored by the steady presence of Kashif Taqiuddine, Belal “Mr Fit” Hafeez and Zuhair (Call me Brad Marchand) Fancy. 

The fans had barely settled in their seats before Sabr came out firing like bandits in a scene from Deadpool with some relentless forechecking by the determined trio of Shaukat Khan, Ali “the Gazelle” Murtaza and Rizwan “All Star Pyaar” Malik.  Murtaza missed a glorious opportunity to capitalize after Shaukat Khan whistled a drive from the high slot and the rebound left him staring wide-eyed at an empty 4 x 6 the way my 5 year old son stares at gulab jamun. After whiffing badly, Murtaza remained undeterred and continued to wreak havoc in front of the goal, setting up Malik who banged it in convincingly for the game opener. Malik, (who likes to be known as the most popular Malik not called Zain) is now sporting an early James Harden-like beard and was seen simultaneously taunting the opposition and spreading da’wa on his way back to the bench. Stay tuned to how this clash of egos unfolds through the season…

Sabr appeared to be energized by the opening tally and continued to apply pressure in the offensive end. After some gritty forechecking by Asim (yes AWESOME) Hussain, Abdu “I need Advil” Sharkawy walked off the left side slot and buried a shot through the wickets on goaltender Khalid Mufti, who looked more surprised than a Jehovah’s Witness at one of Habibi’s after parties #sheeshaandsalvation. But Sharkawy’s high was short-lived after taking a shameless double minor high sticking call on his blue line with exactly 4 minutes left to play in the opening period. Sharkawy was charged with malice and indecency despite pleading for innocence like a cyclist after a failed drug test at the tour de France… Shukr applied some decent pressure throughout the advantage but were unable to break through and the Sabr PK unit was left breathless and spent like dogs on a hot Sunday in August. 

The second frame was marked by even more penalty trouble for Sabr with Razi “the Knife” Ahmed being sent to the sin bin on 2 separate occasions, the latter creating a 5 on 3 for Shukr after Shaukat Khan did his best lumberjack impression on a slashing call minutes earlier. Despite some bullets from the point from Farooq Khan and multiple grade A opportunities for Chaudhry and Arsalan Mian, the stellar play of Ali “AK47” Khwaja and a superb effort by Malik, Bilal and Suhaib “Shutdown” Shaikh, essentially extinguished any hopes of Shukr getting back in the game. Shukr appeared visibly deflated and rookie blueliner Samir Khan was seen sobbing on the bench. It is not entirely clear if this was only a reaction to the loss but to the realization that he had left the house with his 3 year old son’s stick and a Lightning McQueen backpack. He was last spotted drinking a pink lassee and looking for his ego on Craigslist.

Despite a last minute flurry with the goaltender out for a 6 on 4 advantage, Shukr was unable to convert and the game concluded with a 2-0 victory for Sabr. Shukr will surely walk away feeling cheated for their failed effort despite numerous power play opportunities, while Sabr will have to start showing more discipline than Lil’ Wayne watching cheerleader practice if they want to remain on the right side of the score. 

Next week’s games at the hangar is cancelled. I’m pretty sure it’s because they are filming the next sequel to either SAW or Fight Club there. I don’t know what a nuclear shelter after the apocalypse would look like but I think this place is probably close.